I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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