I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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