I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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