Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
