Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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