the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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