I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
