I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
