I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
