I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My feet surprised me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
