Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
