Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
