Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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