Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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