its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize