My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
