Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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