ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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