just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
