Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
