Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
