you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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