I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sober January is a disaster.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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