No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize