so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
