Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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