she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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