smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
