We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
