I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
