My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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