The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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