so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
