you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize