A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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