I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
