Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
