i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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