I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i now understand why vodka
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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