I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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