I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
