Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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