Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
