atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize