I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
