I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
