Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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