There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
