I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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