Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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