I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
