More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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