I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
