A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize