I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
