Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
