And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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