that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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