if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate all girls vehemently.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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