i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
