seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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