If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
