Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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