But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
