I'm lost and stupid without you.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
