This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
