What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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