I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
