you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
