I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
