i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
