Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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